Light
by stefancaroline
Summary: "Please. Felicity, please, leave." Oliver's voice breaks and Felicity's heart does the same. "Leave Starling City. Now. You need to be safe. I need you to be safe." Spoilers for 2x20, one-shot.


The first thing Felicity notices is the look in his eyes.

She _always_ notices his eyes first.

But this time, this _one_ time, she doesn't even have the chance to notice anything else. Not like she usually has.

His arms are around her before she can think of saying or doing anything. They're strong and desperate, clinging to her as if she's the only thing keeping him from falling down.

"Thank God." He whispers into her hair, and Felicity can't know for sure if he wanted her to hear those words or not.

Her door is still open and there's a cold wind biting at her. She shivers, and Oliver seems to remember where he is and what he is doing. He lets go of her, then, and closes her door quickly, walking himself in.

"You need to leave," He says, and he looks frantic, like he wants to walk into one of the rooms but doesn't know which one. "Now."

"What?" Felicity's voice is rushed, her curiosity getting the best of her even though deep down she knows it's more because of the look he had when she answered the door. She has a feeling she'll never forget that.

"You need to leave Starling City, Felicity. Tonight. I'll help you pack and Dig, he- he'll take you to the bus station or to the nearest airport or, I don't know, wherever you want to go, as long as it's far away and safe and-"

"Hey," Felicity approaches him, and that's when he looks away. "Oliver. What's wrong?"

He lets out a little dry, humorless laugh and shakes his head and it only makes Felicity even more worried. "What, you think you can just barge in here and tell me to leave and give me no explanation whatsoever?"

"I called you. I texted you. You never answered. I thought you were dead." Oliver says out of nowhere, and Felicity can't understand a thing.

"Why would you think that, Oliver? I was just with you. Literally, like, two or three hours ago, I was there-"

"You answer your phone when I call you. Every time." Felicity is not sure from the way he's speaking whether he's telling her what to do, or what she usually does, but either way it doesn't help. Nothing he's saying is helping, and not knowing makes Felicity very, _very_ irritated.

"I was _sleeping_. Do you know what time it is? It's 2 in the morning!" Felicity wants to roll her eyes or make a passive-aggressive snarky comment just so that maybe Oliver will crack a smile and make her less worried, but there's the look again and it physically hurts her. "Tell me."

Oliver sits down on her couch. More like throws himself on her couch, like there's so much weight in his shoulders his legs just give up without a warning. "It's all over the news."

"I didn't see anything." She sits next to him, and she can see his hands are shaking. Her heartbeat gets so loud she's afraid he can listen to it too.

"Slade. He-" Oliver shuts his eyes tightly. "He killed my mother."

Felicity's breath gets caught in her throat.

"One minute I was sitting next to her and Thea was in front of us and we-we were in the car, going home, and then the next I'm tied up and he- he's making me choose. Again. He's making me pay for what I did back in the Island, and he's making me choose between Thea and my mother like I had to choose between Sara and Shado and I couldn't. I couldn't. But she could. My mother could, and she did, she got up, and she- she chose. For me. She always does that, she always chooses when I can't. She always did." Oliver drops his head a little and Felicity is pretty sure he's crying and it makes her angrier than anything she has ever seen in her life. He doesn't deserve that. Not _Oliver_.

"Oliver, I'm so sorry." She tries, and it's stupid, it's _so_ stupid, but she has no idea how to make it better, and she knows he's counting on her to do so because that's what she always does.

He shakes his head. "It's not your fault. It's mine."

"No." She says firmly. "No, it's not. It's Slade's fault, he's the one doing this. And we'll get him. We'll stop him, I swear, I-"

"You _have_ to leave." He meets her eyes for the first time since she first opened the door and she can understand the look now. He's breaking down right in front of her, and she has no idea if she's going to be enough to glue his pieces back together.

"I won't."

"Please. Felicity, please, leave." Oliver's voice breaks and Felicity's heart does the same. "Leave Starling City. Now. You need to be safe. _I_ need you to be safe." He looks at his shaking hands again. "He said- Slade, he said one more person had to die. I can't let that happen, I can't- I can't handle that, not again, first Tommy, now my mother, you can't-" He closes his eyes and she knows he's trying to calm down because she can see his hands turning into fists. "Please."

"It's not me. Oliver, listen to me." She turns his head to her. "It's _not_ me."

"How can you possibly know that?" He asks, pleads, begs, like he's still waiting for a reason to keep her around, even though she's probably imagining things. It takes her a few seconds to come up with an answer, and it's not even a good one, but it's all she has.

"Why would he come after me, Oliver? _Think_. He probably doesn't even know my name, I'm nobody."

"You're _not_ nobody, Felicity, and you know that."

"I might be. To him. You didn't even know me before the Island. He's going after the people you loved, _have_ loved since before the accident, people you talked to him about while you were there, people he _knows_ _for sure_ you care about."

"I'll kill him. I will, I have to, for my mother, I swear. But until then, Felicity, I need you to be safe. On top of everything else, I can't worry about you."

Felicity stares at him defiantly. "I have you and Dig to protect me, I'll be fine."

"I was sitting right next to my mother, _right next_ to her, and I couldn't protect her. I failed her, Felicity. Just like I failed Tommy. I'm _not_ going to fail you."

"Stop worrying about me, Oliver. Stop. I'm not leaving, and that's it. I'm staying here, I'm going to help you, there's nothing in the world you could say to me that would make me change my mind."

"I-" Oliver tries.

"No." Felicity stops him.

"You're smart. This should be easy, you should understand this. Why can't you understand this?" Felicity wants to hit Oliver. _He_ is the one who can't understand.

"I understand." Felicity says. "I do, trust me, I _do_. But this is my life. It's my choice. I'm _not_ leaving." She says firmly.

She figures there's something different in her voice because it seems like he finally understands she's not going anywhere and it looks like the fight leaves him. She knows she should. It's too dangerous, Moira's dead, she knows the risk. But she couldn't leave him even if she tried. And not just him, no, there's Dig, and Thea, and the City too. Felicity has never felt like she belonged somewhere as much as she felt she belonged in Starling City, with her little team Arrow and the people she holds close to her heart. She's not just going to abandon everything, not now when they need her the most.

When it seems like Oliver is out of words, Felicity speaks up because she knows exactly his thoughts will travel to if she doesn't. "Where's Thea?"

"At the hospital. Dig's watching over her, she... They had to sedate her."

Felicity feels her chest tightening. "I'm sorry."

"I don't know what to do. My mom, she would know. She knew I was the Arrow. She said she was proud of me." He says, and there's so much hurt in his voice Felicity feels like she's going to suffocate.

"Of course she would be proud of you." She tries to smile.

"Do I tell Thea? That I'm the Arrow, that I caused our mother's death, that I have been lying to her for even longer than she thinks?"

"Stop." Felicity says. "You didn't cause your mother's death, stop saying that."

"She'll think that. I know she will."

"No, Oliver, she'll be proud of you. I know she will. You're a _hero_."

"I'm not a hero."

"Yes, you are. You know you are. Your mother knew that, too. _I_ know that. You're going to stop Slade, and Dig and I, we're going to help you." She smiles at him, because all she wants is to be the strength he needs.

Oliver looks at her and she can see that at least a bit of what she wanted him to understand got through, and that is enough to at least keep the fear away.

Felicity knows there's something there. She's not stupid, she knows, but she understands why she has to let it go and pretend she can't see it. She knows Oliver. She cares about him. She can't ask anything more from him than what he already gives her. She likes to think she's the only person he can be truly honest with, and a part of her believes that's actually true. He was hurting, lost, and he came to Felicity. Not Laurel, not Sara. He came to _her,_ and if that's all she'll ever get, it's enough.

She succeeds in calming him down. His hands aren't shaking any more, but that's no guarantee he's still not breaking down inside. Oliver is too good at hiding his feelings. She tries to say something, she thinks about anything else to say, but it never comes. She just sits there, then, with him, and holds his hand while he looks down, breathes in and out.

She knows he's not asleep because Oliver Queen, the freaking _Arrow_, doesn't sleep while sitting on a couch and talking, but even if he was, she wouldn't mind. She understands. He's tired of talking, she gets it. She's there for him through the silence, too, because if that's what he needs, that's what she'll give him.

His fingers squeeze hers every once in a while, and he even caresses her hand a few times, and she just smiles sleepily because he knows she's there for him, and that's what matters.

Oliver Queen has known the worst of pains throughout his life, but nothing could ever compare to the pain he felt when he watched his mother die in front of him.

Not only in front of, but _for_ him.

And, most importantly, _because_ of him.

She knows it's not his fault. She knows that, she tells him that over and over again, but she also knows he will never believe it. And she knows all that has taken its toll. He's tired. He's so, so tired, and Felicity can see that so clearly. He deserves so much. He's done nothing but good to the city, saved people he doesn't even know, and all he gets in return is more and more pain, and that's so freaking unfair it drives Felicity nearly mad.

She hopes she's enough. She knows she probably isn't, but she hopes against hope that her words are enough comfort, at least for tonight.

* * *

She wakes up in her bed the next day, and for a few seconds it's like nothing happened, except her glasses aren't where they're supposed to be and she remembers why.

She gets out of bed, trying her best to fix her hair with her hands, and walks out of her bedroom. "Oliver?"

"Hey." He says, and she jumps a little because he was sitting on her couch and she couldn't even see him.

"Hi." She squints at him.

Oliver gets up, picks up her glasses from the counter and hands it to her. "Sorry, I forgot to bring them to your bedroom."

"It's alright." She smiles. "Thanks. Do you want something to eat?"

"No, it's fine. I was just waiting for you to get up so I could go back to the hospital check on Thea."

"I'm sorry I fell asleep last night. I'm like, the worst friend. Ever. You came here for support and you ended up carrying me to my bed, who does that? I didn't mean to, I-"

Oliver touches her shoulder. "It's okay, Felicity. And you're the opposite of the worst, by the way."

Felicity smiles despite herself. "So I'm the best, huh?" She raises an eyebrow.

"You are."

Felicity laughs and he joins in and she thinks it's the first time she's seen him laugh since he arrived at her apartment last night. It makes her even happier.

He keeps looking at her with a smile on his face and even though she feels quite a bit self-conscious, what with the whole "I woke up like this" look, but she doesn't really care as long as he's okay. She would stay like that all day if it kept him from thinking about his mother and Slade and all his other problems, but life doesn't work out that way; especially not Oliver's.

So he gives her one last smile and a rushed "Okay" and starts walking towards her door. She follows him closely behind.

"Thank you." He says, and it's funny because it's not awkward. He's not trying to run away as soon as he possibly could, he's not embarrassed for opening up to her or for maybe being a little too over-protective when he told her to leave, he's not making up excuses or trying to ignore what happened. Felicity thinks that's the best thing that she could ever get, really, because that was Oliver Queen in front of her and if she could make him feel that way when he needed it the most, maybe he would never run away. Maybe he would never leave her.

"You don't have to thank me, Oliver." She says as she stops in her door.

"I do, though. And if I thank you a thousand times, it's still not going to be enough."

"Oh, stop it." She laughs, and he looks at her in a way that makes her a little dizzy. "Bye." She smiles like a schoolgirl with a crush, and if she looks at him for two more minutes she knows she's gonna say something stupid.

"You're the light." He says quietly when she's closing her door, and Felicity isn't sure she heard the right thing.

"What?" She asks, grabbing the door handle a little too tightly.

He just smiles. "Nothing. I'll see you later, Felicity."

Felicity closes her door with her heart fluttering inside of her chest. Damn it.


End file.
